Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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