i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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