Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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