it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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