Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
