Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
