It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
