So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
