Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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