it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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