dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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