I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
