so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
