We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
