I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
