I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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