so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
