He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
