Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
