I can't watch pbs sober anymore
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
God, I missed his penis.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize