I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize