i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
