WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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