oh god the rape fog is back!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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