So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
