What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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