youre lurking in front of me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
