So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize