hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i barfeds in our rink
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
