He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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