My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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