I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
