he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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