Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
