I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
