Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Randomize
