Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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