I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
