took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
