He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize