I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
