u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Did you pee in the oven last night??
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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