we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
