"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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