The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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