the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
