Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
