All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
