dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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