this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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