The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
