if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
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