where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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