He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
