i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My underwear smells like fireworks.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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