someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
