I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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