There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Holy shit dude........stairs
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
