Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
