I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
