It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
