Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
