You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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