Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
