Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
