you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
