Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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