Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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