ugly people sure do ruin things
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
