She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
