he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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