I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
