I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
