margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
