Nicole vs. Life
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
