I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
